his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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