Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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