theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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