You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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