Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
