3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
