I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
