dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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