He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
