i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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