DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
