I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
