either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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