Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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