Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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