I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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