Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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