Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
