It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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