I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
