Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize