I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
