I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
