yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Boobs are out for the taking
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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