after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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