your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
not ubering you a puppy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
