woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
