ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
