i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Randomize
