Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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