just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
