My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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