I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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