sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
