I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
