She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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