The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
