evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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