I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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