Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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