I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
