I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
