Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He felt like a one man threesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
