Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
