Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
