Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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