dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
NoShamevember. You game?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
