Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
