Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
