Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
