I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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