Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
