Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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