you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
