I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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