dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When are your genitals available?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
