The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
