ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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