obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize