She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
