My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
