There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
