I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
