I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
