Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
