dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
