Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
