she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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