New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
