i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.