I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.