I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish my penis had a tongue
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.