i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
